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A few short weeks ago, I strolled into the local record store and saw his handsome mug adorning a stack of CD's - strategically placed under a "New Releases" sign. The first thing I noticed was a spiffy red sticker with a $15.99 price tag on it. How in the devil can once person pay just under 16 fucking bucks for 2 full CD's and a BONUS DVD?!? That deal is almost as good as downloading it for free on the internet.

Upon arriving home I immediately popped in the BONUS DVD!!!!, and skipped to the Tourgasm trailer. After watching the few minutes of wonderfully edited greatness, I looked down at my pants and spotted a quarter sized stain of precum that mysteriously appeared. I cannot wait to see Robert Kelly bitch out Jay Davis, while breaking his fat leg, and puking after Dane makes him smell his feces. Let's hope Tourgasm is released soon, or perhaps becomes a TV series.

The rest of the BONUS DVD!!!! contains all of Dane's recent Comedy Central work that wasn't included on HIF. I found his appearance at the Denis Leary Roast interesting, as it's the first time I've ever seen Dane bomb with some jokes. His overall appearance was great, but there were several edited-out stinkers that we finally got to see. Why it's almost like watching Muhammed Ali get ko'd for the first time.

And now we get to the CD, or should I say CDssssssssssssssssssss. The fact that Dane has come up with nearly 2 hours of new material in a short few years is a tribute to his obsessive work ethic. How does he manage to make time to write top notch shit while filming pilots, appearing on TV shows, reading scripts, playing video games, having Jay Davis kiss his ass (just kidding you freak), and updating both his MySpace profile AND sleek new website? Something tells me Dane hasn't had a good night's sleep since his exodus to awful LA a few years back.

Disc 1, which is titled "Want", begins with Dane comparing the night's audience to a long term relationship. He then segues into instant classic bits about watching someone being hit by a car, shooting someone in a Superman t-shirt, fucking with a kid enjoying an ice cream cone, UFO abductions, and tons more intriguing tales of mischief Dane one day hopes to act out on.

He often delights the 18-35 male demographic with his references to cool shit like characters from "Tekken 3", Google, The movie "Heat", Watermelon Jolly Ranchers, Quentin Tarrantino, Star Wars, etc. He also references some of his old bits that receives a huge pop from his rabid fan base in attendance that night. It's like watching your favorite band in concert, doing a medley of their old hit songs.

It seems that Dane is also getting in touch with a darker side, which delights idiots like me. He openly expresses his desire towards punching out babies, cutting off people's heads, stabbing people in the jaw, and even a few mentions of retards. Hopefully a few HIV & breast cancer jokes will be added to this arsenal next.

Disc 2, titled "Need", starts off with a hilarious bit about having an itchy asshole, which I have developed whilst writing this drivel. Dane then goes on about wanting to have odd superpowers, complete with sound effects and I'm sure some great physical work we unfortunately can't see on the CD. His high energy style embellishes his solid and sometimes silly material. His delivery is flawless, and sharp, even when he regularly repeats the punch line a few times.

"Need" continues with the funny throughout, equaling "Want" in the amount of chuckles. Dane delves into creepy people, relationships, fighting couples, and even his hatred of stinky pussies. He wraps up masterpiece #2 with his cashew on the penis trick, which is lost without the great visual acting that accompanies it. Perhaps Dane's next release (aside from Tourgasm) should be a purely standup DVD?

I can't help but be blown away by Retaliation. Dare I say that it is the definitive comedy album of our generation. What Metallica's 'Black Album" was to heavy metal, Dane's "Retaliation" is to standup comedy.

Everyone now has to raise the bar when thinking about releasing their own shit. Sure, it must be nice to have Comedy Central's budget backing your work, but it's a nice break from the utter crap they've been producing over the past few years. It's nice to see them spending their money wisely, instead of on a stupid, hacky, sketch comedy show or cartoon.

The audio quality is perfection, one of the best mixed comedy CD's I've ever heard, again raising the bar.

I am so happy that I will no longer have to listen to his fans recite the "...And the pickles!" routine of his, thanks to the scores of instant classic bits on this release. Hopefully by the time I'm annoyed by Retaliation, he will assault us with another killer album.

Let's all give Dane the credit he rightfully deserves, and applaud him for working so fucking hard on giving us something so kick ass. I pray that he keeps it up, and focuses mainly on his stage act - not the movie roles, sitcom garbage, commercials, etc., that has ruined many "hot" comedians in their prime.

Early on I mentioned how it would be hard to top "Harmful If Swallowed." Well not only does it kick HIS' ass, it pulls down it's pants and rapes it with Lexington Steele's cock. Let's see if Dane can now top "Retaliation"...