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QUICKIE REVIEWS
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Welcome to the first
ever Cringe Humor Quickie Reviews. Boy, what a faggy term to
call it. If you have any other ideas than "Cringe Humor
Quickie Review" email them to me. Also, if you have a
webcam, and a meaty vagina that resembles a pastrami sandwich -
feel free to contact me also.
Basically I am reviewing 3 comedy related
items, and cutting them short & to the point. You all have
suffered through my long winded drivel (or "dribble"
like Robert Kelly says) in the past, so I figured I would spare
you all this time around. I'll feature the typical, long reviews
in the future, mainly for products or events that CH has the
opportunity to cover first.
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 Dane
Cook - "Harmful If Swallowed" CD & DVD
I've reviewed
comedy CD's and comedy DVD's. Thanks to Dane Cook, I
have the privilege to review both in one shot. This
release from Comedy Central Records is brilliant. It
was the first CD/DVD combo for a comedian to ever be
unleashed, and Comedy Central has followed the
successful trend ever since. The CD is a re-release of
his "Harmful If Swallowed" album, which Dane
independently put out through his site a few years
ago. The only slight change from the original is the
omission of his "Crocodile Hunter" routine.
I am assuming he pulled it off the disc mainly because
every other hack has done Steve Irwin impressions to
death ever since Dane was the first. Instead we are
given an unreleased "Bonus Track!" where
Dane talks ahout his shitty jobs in the past. Very
good stuff.
Admit it, you
purchased HIS just for the DVD. That's not to
discredit the album by any means. But if you are a
true Dane fan, you have probably already purchased the
original CD only release. Or you did what I did, and
downloaded it off of Kazaa. By the way, whoever
labeled Jeremy Hotz's Comedy Central Special as Dane
Cook's Special - I really hope you somehow got cancer
in just your fingers for making such an error.
Anyways, to truly
appreciate Dane's act, you have to SEE it. The CD
captures his hilarity well, but it leaves out his
physical genius. Dane is one of the best I've seen in
acting out emotions, and other silliness like a
jumping gazelle. Thanks to the DVD we get to watch him
at his finest.
The DVD features
his Comedy Central Presents special (aired version),
Premium Blend appearance, His set from Comics Come
Home 5, and perhaps the best part, the aforementioned
Comedy Central Presents special - full & uncut.
There are so many gems CC edited out for the final
product that we finally get to see. It's like
discovering your father's porno stash when you were a
wee lad, except this time you're spared from seeing
hot gay cock sucking.
One of my favorite
bits that didn't make the cut for TV, was when Dane
explains a hilarious gag you can do when ordering fast
food. Dane encourages you, the viewer, to order
something that isn't on the menu. This causes mass
confusion from the person taking your order, and Dane
captures their supposed reaction perfectly. I really
can't wait to do that to the fat Spanish chick at the
local KFC.
To sum it all up,
this is a MUST have for anyone who even remotely
follows comedy. HIS will go down as one of the
greatest comedy releases ever, and has set the
standard for anyone else who plans on putting out
their own shit.
5 out
of 5
CLICK
HERE TO ORDER A COPY
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 Bill
Burr - "Emotionally Unavailable" CD
Bill Burr is a handsome
red-headed devil who has quite an impressive resume in
the world of comedy. I recently picked up a copy of
his debut CD "Emotionally Unavailable" after
seeing him kill on a Monday night at Carolines.
Burr has a nervous,
observational style of comedy. Many compare him to
Brian Regan, and there are similarities. Burr doesn't
shy away from the cursing, and he'll tackle subjects
Regan is too kind & good-natured to touch.
Burr's material is
solid, and he delivers it in a hilarious manner. But
it isn't anything ground-breaking. He discusses topics
like rednecks, Oprah, midgets, MTV Cribs, & even
does an impression of George W. Bush. It's material
every hack comedian from LA to NY has done to death. I
by no means am calling Burr a hack, he puts his own
twist on shit, and the end result is truly funny.
Perhaps I am jaded
because Burr doesn't fit the "cringe" style
that this site is based on. On a pure comedy level,
you'll enjoy this CD immensely. I recommend it if you
fancy guys like Regan, Carlos Mencia, Jim Gaffigan,
etc.
3 out
of 5
CLICK
HERE TO ORDER A COPY
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 Website
Review - RobertKellyLive.com
It seems like only
yesterday Robert was going on & on & on
about his visions for a new website. After several
months of planning, the final result is here - and
it's fantastic.
Robert's half-Asian
Webmaster, Kurt
Iverson, is definitely one of the top designers in
the business. Robert gave Kurt his off-the-wall ideas
for a newer version of his already great site, and
Kurt somehow managed to bring his ideas to life.
The all flash site has
sort of a Mortal Kombat video game feel to it. The
graphics give the site a metallic & futuristic
look, complete with cool sound effects that are
perfectly in sync with the animations. Once the site
loads, we are greeted with an animated version of
Robert walking across the screen during the
introduction from his CD. A microphone stand pops up
out of nowhere, and a blue orb rises to Robert's hand.
RK then tosses it up into the air, where it proceeds
to explode into several other smaller balls. Robert
then tosses one of the balls into a blue vortex in the
center of the screen, and the page loads. HOW FUCKING
AWESOME IS THAT?
Each time you click on
a different page, a different ball will be tossed by
Robert as a transitional animation. Everything runs
flawlessly throughout the process.
The content on the site
is superb. You are treated to tons of exclusive cool
shit like AIM buddy icons, avatars, wallpapers, and
even a great desktop pet of the Piss The Pants Monster
we've all grown to love. Of course you can also access
megabytes worth of exclusive audio & video clips
featuring Robert doing his stand up, and even some of
his fine acting work (in which he's always typecast as
a fat Mexican for some reason.)
My favorite feature of
the site is without question, Robert's journal. He
will write about whatever stuff is on his mind, and
he's not afraid to talk about his personal life at
all. His stories are even entertaining in written
form.
Kurt flexes his
incredible flash skills in a truly genius animated
version of Robert's Asian massage parlor routine.
Aptly titled "Massage Parlor", the flash
even features a cameo from Jim Norton. The various
voices Robert uses throughout the film are great, and
Kurt drew perfect characters based on them. My only
complaint is that Kurt drew Robert too thin, and
didn't show off his rock-solid, George Foreman-like
upper body.
If you're still reading
this shit, stop and go visit this amazing piece of
work. If you're a cheap fucker, or a 14 year old AOL
user, you even have the option to visit a
low bandwidth version of the site. By all means,
visit the flash version simply because you get all of
the sites features in a marvelous presentation.
This beauty has raised
the bar for all other websites in existence, easily
claiming the title as "Best Comedian Site"
around. What else would you expect from the 2003
Breakthrough Comedian???
5 out
of 5
-Patrick
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