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Released
through United Musicians
ORDER
A COPY HERE
 If
you were like me, you acquired an audio copy of Patton
Oswalt's hysterical TV specials from Kazaa around 18
years ago. That's right 18 years ago. Long before
there was the internet, a Spanish magician named Kazaa
handed me a CD-R with shitty, low quality audio of
Patton's HBO & Comedy Central specials. I loved
the CD and grew tired of listening to it, hoping one
day that the beloved Mr. Oswalt would officially
release something. Well that time has finally come.
"Feelin' Kinda Patton" is Oswalt's long
awaited debut CD. It's 28 tracks long and full of
several classic, cringe worthy moments.
Patton's
style is tremendous. He will start each bit with a
sarcastic, hacky premise, but follows them up with
such off the wall punch lines. They are then enhanced
by some of the best taglines I've ever heard. Patton's
references are also golden - not obscure Dennis Miller
type shit. If a fat moron like me knows what he is
talking about, then 99% of the population should, too.
He paints
such vivid images in a plain, straightforward manner.
When talking about music videos spawned from 80's
Metal, he absolutely pegs the look & style of
everything MTV jammed down our throats back then. It's
almost scary how much well-worded detail goes into his
routine.
Some
highlights from the CD include the track "Facts
About Midgets." Once again it seems like a hacky
premise, but Patton pulls a 180 and takes us on a
fucked up journey through his mind. "If you hit a
midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold
coins." Patton continues, "40 glittering
gold coins you can take to the market and buy a fine
fat goose...for your goodly wife." He goes on to
list more little known midget facts that are just as
twisted-ly hilarious.
Another
favorite of mine consists of Patton talking about the
prospect of gay retards. He goes on about how they
probably have their own gay pride march, and then
begins to mimic one. "We're here, we're
queer....apples!"
Patton
addresses George W. Bush for a few tracks, but luckily
it isn't overdone and he steers clear from being a
political comic. Not that I don't mind, but I prefer
hearing about retarded fags. Guess I'm a lover of the
lowbrow brand of humor. Oh well.
Oswalt
also does some material about comedy in itself, mainly
recollections about his times during the open mic
phase in his career. He tells a great story about
working a club and Toronto, and catching a Heroin
addicted performer named Dr. Pepper. This gentleman
would literally lose consciousness during his set and
wake up mid joke. Oswalt does a hilarious impression
of the fella, reciting his act verbatim, complete with
the proper pauses due to passing out.
More
highlights on the CD include Patton's great routine on
how steakhouses use an in your face attitude in their
commercials. After hearing that track I wanna go to
Black Angus and consume at least 25 "potato bacon
bombs."
On the
track "My Christmas Story", Patton tells us
about listening to the famous Chipmunks Christmas LP,
on the slowest speed possible on the record player.
That way, the Chipmunks would sound normal when
singing, yet Dave would end up sounding demonic.
Oswalt once again does an accurate impression that the
crowd eats up.
Other
topics tackled include: Oswalt comparing Tivo to
working with a special education child, how poetic
poorly-worded porn emails can be, hatred for hippies,
advertising for alcohol, dying in an apocalypse,
Stella D' Oro cookies, and much more.
Patton's
masterpiece of a set ends with his love for the great
movie producer Robert Evans. The famed producer's
career peaked in the 70's, when he was banging women
left & right, and snorting high volumes of
cocaine. Apparently Evans was tapped by ESPN to be
featured in their radio ads, which made absolutely no
sense. Oswalt goes on and does mock radio commercials
that you'd expect to hear from Evans. "You know,
back in the early 70's when I was producing The
Godfather films, I had a whirlpool bath installed back
in my trailer that I would fill with apple juice every
day. Do you have any idea what Diane Keaton's pussy
tastes like when it's been soaking in apple juice all
day?... Not half as sweet as the sports action you're
gonna catch on ESPN every Sunday." Oswalt rattles
off several more versions, likening them to the
ramblings of a mental patient.
Just when
you think the great CD is going to end, Patton throws
on a few bonus tracks of material from his HBO &
Comedy Central specials. Classic bits like Piss
Drinkers Magazine, Tom Carvel's commercials, Paas egg
coloring kits, and the magic of oil painting with
William Alexander.
That's
right, I can now discard my old Patton Oswalt CD-R.
Rest
in peace, old friend
The audio
quality of the CD is great. Perfectly mastered, edited
seamlessly, no distortion, and you won't have to crank
up your stereo to hear it. The only gripe I have is
that the track listing is off in the final few
selections. Also Patton has the tendency to either
smack his lips, or make some sort of a clicking sound
with his mouth in between jokes. Stupid shit that
would only annoy an overbearing asshole like me.
Definitely
pick up this release if
you are a fan of Oswalt or comedy in general. It
covers all of his great material ranging from the good
ol' days to the present.
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