An Evening with 2 of the sexiest (& funniest) men alive

Robert Kelly & Dane Cook at Carolines on Broadway 5-9-03

I simply had a wonderful time seeing Robert Kelly & Dane Cook perform last night at Caroline's. All 3 of us (myself, Chris & Kristen) arrived at Caroline's rather early, and after checking in with the reservations we seated ourselves in the upper lobby. Shortly after we settled, Mr. Kelly walked by and recognized us. He sat with us 3 losers and chewed the fat about his message board, eating my sweaty & baby powder covered SWASS, the upcoming roast of Patrice O'neal, and some good natured ribbing thrown at us here & there. Robert then went to smoke and upon returning he asked us to hand out his ultra kewl street team stickers with him, as the people leaving the 8pm show walked up the stairs. Kelly proved his theory that the mature (32 years of age+) women dig him, as several MILFS approached him to let him know how great he was.

After handing out dozens of stickers, and continuing the ribbing amongst us, Robert had to leave and kindly took pictures with us. They then began to announce the seating and we made our way through a crowd full of lovely females and their even better looking male companions.

We were given great seats, first row off the floor, and almost dead center. The place quickly filled up with about 400 people who were definitely wearing their laughing caps tonight.

The lights dimmed, the crowd applauded, and an unseen mc announced tonight's host, a fella by the name of Big Jay Oakerson. A large man then walked out, who had a keen resemblance to Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street. Big Jay then started to get the crowd pumped up by asking "who here is from New York?." After the initial hooting & hollering, Oakerson then went into his act. He pretty much discussed his weight problems, and ended his 20 minute set with a hilarious observation on what names you can call your penis depending on how large it is.

Big Jay then intro'd Robert Kelly, as he was received with quite a warm ovation. He started out his act talking about how it is a $500 fine to defecate in public in the state of New York. The crowd was electric, as Kelly went on to talk about Usama Bin Laden, war protestors, the difference between scaring men & women, Piss The Pants Monster, and he had me gasping for air when mimicking someone stricken with Down Syndrome due to seeing a monster. He then wrapped up his set with his classic bit about visiting an Asian massage parlor. Seeing Robert bend over and proceed to rub his ass in front of 400 people was quite exhilarating to say the least. Robert then closed, and the crowd reaction was phenomenal. I have been telling people ever since I seen Robert open for Jim Norton that he is a must-see. His timing & energy on stage is a delight to watch, as he surely gets the lethargic crowd going.

Big Jay returned and welcomed tonight's headliner Dane Cook to the stage. The crowd was worked up into a frenzy as Dane started by saying how he always wanted to mastermind a heist, but have it go horribly wrong. Dane then went into his legendary 60 minute set. His observations & stage presence is just amazing to watch live. He busted out several classic bits including, pillow fight with his nephew, watching The Price Is Right, hopped up on the Q, Kool Aid Man, who's in my mouth?, observing drunk people, vomiting in public restrooms, jerking off in front of your partner, & tons more top notch material. He ended his set talking about a special trick he does involving his erect penis & cashews.

By the time his hour long set was finished, my face was sore from laughing too hard. The crowd slowly filed out and we made our way out to the upper lobby where Dane was greeting his fans & signing autographs. Myself & Chris approached Dane, and profusely thanked him for the superb interview he provided us for Cringe Humor this past week. He gladly took pictures with us, and we moseyed on out of there with big smiles on our faces, and dried up precum in our shorts.

If you have read this entire review, and pass up the chance to see these 2 men perform live, you really should have your genitals pierced with a rusty ice pick. Robert & Dane are 2 young comedians who are at the top of their game, and definitely in the upper echelon of all comedians across the nation.