What better way to spend a rainy Wednesday night then on Broadway, seeing a bunch of comedians you probably haven't seen or heard of? Well all that is going to change soon. I guarantee every comedian on this show has the potential to be a household name in the near future. Hopefully not for murdering a Haitian, or for possessing an insane amount of child pornography on their hard drives, but more for their hilarious stand up.

These "future stars" & Comedy Cellar regulars all decided to put on a super show at the world famous Carolines. The crowd was surprisingly vibrant for a Wednesday night, as I estimated about 40-50 people in attendance. Sadly, about 40% of them were relatives of Steve Byrne.

I'm going to change up my typical review style, and feature a summary of each performer's act. This is mainly due to the fact there were 6 of them, and my awful goldfish like memory. 

Ardie Fuqua

I've come to the conclusion that Mr. Fuqua is certifiably insane. If you've ever encountered him off-stage, you know what I'm talking about. You can often see him running around like a hyperactive child, or dancing like he just snorted a rail of coke in the middle of Studio 54. The fucker is utterly hilarious though. He was tonight's MC, which was odd to see because he usually doesn't to perform at the Cellar until around 2am, after the awful Lisa Lampanelli.

Ardie isn't your typical black comedian. He doesn't rely on the played out "White people so crazy" shit that many black comics have relied on since the early 90's.

My favorite bit of his is when he's talking about how no man has ever had a female stalker. A man would love being called 5x a day by some insane, sexually driven female. "I can't wait to get that phone call at 5 o'clock in the morning from some girl in front of my house. (Breathing heavily) I'm right outside your house...WELL BITCH COME ON IN!" as Ardie pantomimes masturbation. He also talks about how you should never bring your lady to a sex shop. They will end up getting an 8 foot dildo that your ass has to carry home on the Subway. I really can't do any of his material justice with my sub par writing skills, but trust me he is a ball of silly energy that is perfect for getting a crowd going.

Dov Davidoff

Mr. Davidoff is such a handsome lad, you often see girls swooning over him while he performs on stage. Not only is Dov easy on the eyes, but he's quickly making a name for himself in the stand up & acting world. He's in the right place at the right time for standup comedy, establishing himself in several of the top clubs scattered across NYC in such a short period of time.

His on stage persona is a stark contrast from what he's like off-stage. His character is kind of like  Mitch Hedberg, but not quite as extreme. He also sounds a little bit like Richard Pyror, which is funny in itself because he's so Caucasian.  Dov will ramble on & seem flustered as he spits out random shit. Just when you think he's lost it, he will stop & say "you ever drop acid and 20 minutes later you're doing a comedy show?" 

Dov's spastic style goes over well with the crowd though, and helps his material quite a bit. Most of his act revolves around relationships, sex & other odd observations of life. 

One of his funniest bits is when he talks about how he tried using lamb skin condoms once. "When you begin to conduct your business, the room starts smelling like a gyro. We were doing our thing, and she says 'what's that?' and I say, 'I don't know, but I'm getting hungry' Dov then advises that you should "never throw a tank top over a light bulb to create mood lighting. That shit catches fire. She says 'I smell smoke' and my ego was like, yeah that's right! She says 'the house is burning!' and I say you bet your ass the house is burning up. She said 'call the fire department' and I'm like WHOOOOO WHOOOO!"

Dov went to finish his set with his magnum condom routine, but as soon as he began it, Robert Kelly began laughing hard from the kitchen area. Dov pointed out on how Robert always picks on him for ending with it and that he will now do Robert's closer. Dov then did a hilarious impression of Robert getting his ass blown into by an Asian massage whore and sang Purple Rain by Prince, just like Mr. Kelly does.

Robert Kelly

Ah yes, our beloved Robert Kelly then took the stage and of course managed to get the loudest laughter of the night so far. God what a pathetic brown-noser I am, but it's true. Robert begins with his classic "I'm not from New York, I'm from Massachusetts" routine, and how you could never sound cool saying Massachusetts. He then explains how New York made it a state law that you can't take a shit in public. "It's a $500 fine. I'm pretty sure that the people who are taking a shit in public don't have the 5 bills to cover that fine. They're not rich millionaires from Long Island...'Joey, go ahead, take a shit it's on me!"

Robert expresses his love of the aforementioned Asian massage parlors, especially having his ass tickled. Robert goes on to ask an elderly woman if she ever had her ass tickled. When she replied with a "no" he accused her of lying and mimicked how you react when someone unsuspectingly slips a tongue in there. Little did he know, the woman he asked was Steve Byrne's mother! Robert was picked on for that all throughout the night. 

Other funny shit from his set included how people protested the use of dolphins in the military, Usama Bin Laden's videos, Afghan Girls Gone Wild, how evil women are, shopping with your girlfriend, baby talk with your woman, etc.

Robert goes on about how tonight's show was billed as "6 of the greatest comics of all time...this fucking show sucks...3 black guys, an Asian and a fat little chunky Mexican...they actually had to make the room smaller, you see that curtain? If they had another set of curtains, they were thinking about making it even smaller. We could have done this in the hallway on the way down." Robert then realizes Steve Byrne's parents are in attendance. "You know what you should have did, you should have beat Steve when he was a kid. You never hit him did ya?...taught him how to talk without an accent, that's fucked up dad. He'd have a career by now if he had a little bit of an accent."

Sherrod Small

Many Comedy Cellar regulars agree that Sherrod is without question the best MC around. His crowd work skills rival Rich Vos'. His regular stand up routine is pretty much the same as his MC shit, complete with his stellar crowd work abilities thrown in. Plus he resembles George Foreman with AIDS, but that's not the point.

Sherrod is a tried & true New Yorker, hailing from Brooklyn. His act mainly points out the differences between whites & blacks, but he doesn't force it, as he's quick to make fun of his own race.

"I get outblacked all the time. White kids come up to me, "hey, yo yo yo yo yo. What's the dilly-o?" 'Gee I don't know what the dilly-o is. Let me check my homeboy handbook. I see chillin... ah, dilly-o! A greeting used by African-Americans! Hello!!! Hello, Chad! Cause that's their names."

Steve Byrne

I've got to admit right now, Steve is pretty damn funny despite the fact that he is half Asian. Thanks to Dat Phan, Asian comics are in. Luckily Steve's act doesn't completely revolve around that. He also doesn't do any impressions of his mother. Since he is half Asian & half Irish, he has the 2 worst stereotypes when it comes to penis size though.

I also must admit that I seriously don't recall much of his performance:

I'm not knocking his shit at all by saying that. He is a pisser, and a cool dude off the stage. I'm just awful when it comes to remembering shit. When I see Steve perform again, I will update this review.

He made fun of those awful girls you see standing outside of MTV studios, and did his patented TRL Tammy character we all fell in love with at the Patrice O'Neal roast. He also did a routine about groups of women in the club and how they protect each other from certain types of men.

The thing I do remember most, is his great Bruce Lee having sex routine. This time around he had Ardie Fuqua to help him out. Basically Steve will sit to the side and speak like Bruce, complete with dead on karate movie sound effects,  while Ardie will act out whatever Steve does or says. The timing between the 2 is perfect, as Ardie makes it seem like the film is dubbed in English. (Click here to see an exclusive video of these 2 silly kids in action)

Steve did a great job in organizing & promoting the show, and hopefully with the success of this one, the 6 pack of comedy will be a regular showcase at Carolines.

Godfrey

Don't let his wholesome 7up spokesman persona fool you. Godfrey is one twisted mother fucker onstage. Any comedian (let alone an African American one) who mimics a retarded person, not only gets me to laugh like said retard, they instantly earn my respect.

Godfrey talks about Cuba Gooding Jr.'s role in the movie Radio, in which he plays someone who is fucking retarded. Godfrey explains that his character was too retarded for even retarded people to appreciate, complete with a full impression.

Godfrey is great with the acting. Another bit of his was about people who fall asleep on subways & trains. They somehow magically know when to wake up when it's their stop. Once again my terrible writing can't capture how truly funny it was, so get your ass out to see Godfrey do it in person.

Godfrey closed out the show just before a laugh riot broke out. I apologize to both Steve & Godfrey for the lack of detail on their acts, but I'm a big fat baby who got tuckered out for laughing so hard at the 4 men before them.

-Patrick

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