six tips for an ignorant audience
By Dustin Chafin
I blame the audience not the hack. If a guy gets on stage and rips off a famous routine and the audience laughs, I blame that ignorant audience for letting the comic get away with it. And who are these people: The audience. Why are they at a comedy show in the first place? They probably couldn’t get tickets to the Lion King and met a Puerto Rican kid on the street who sold them comedy tickets.
It was a last minute decision. Some have never even been to a comedy show. They come in thinking the object is to get drunk and fuck with the comic, that's my favorite type of audience member. Comedy is the only art form that allows this behavior. You couldn't heckle the cast of Rent they would throw you out. But hey, it's just comics telling their silly jokes heckle all you want just make sure you get those two drinks.
I don't understand why people don't seek out good comedy. Carlos Mencia is huge among the Latinos. He's their false Idol and they don't care. You can't blame him for being the traveling medicine man. Nobody is forcing them to buy his magic potion. Before I ever did standup I was a comedy fan first. I loved standup. I was a huge Sam Kinison and George Carlin fan. I also followed some not so famous comics at the time. Dave Chappelle, Tonny Woods and Marc Maron, just to name a few.
I think audience members need some tips on how to get the best out of their comedy experience.
1. Know who you’re seeing. Do a little research, download a clip. Instead of complaining to the owner that you were offended by the comic’s material and you want your bill comped (It's such a scam I see it all the time).
2. Come in with the right attitude. Comics are here for you and we want to make you laugh. Unfold your fucking arms, shut up, drink something that you can handle, and listen.
3. If you don't like a comic then leave but don't make a scene or think you’re helping the comic by engaging him with your untrained, unwitty, awful banter.
4. Don't come up to the comic and give advice. We don't care about your ambitions to be a comic because it looks so easy. And unless you're Dave Attell, I don't need your tag.
5. If you like an unfamous comic start a fan base and tell your friends. Also, give him a hand job in the bathroom.
6. Seek out smart and good comedy. Don't just like the comedians Comedy Central force feeds you. Seek out comics you’re not familiar with give an unknown a chance.
Without the audience we couldn't do what we do. But sometimes you guys need a little guidance seek out good comedy, smart comedy and change the future it's in your hands. I hope to see you soon at the next time I’m at the Chuckle Hut and always remember to tip your waitresses. Good night.
By Danny Lobell
I just found out the awful, terrible news that my hero George Carlin has died, or the euphemism "passed away"! I am filled with sadness right now and am feeling as though I have lost a loved
one, a close friend and a mentor.
I didn't really talk about it too much, but I had a good friendship with George for the past few years. As huge of a comedic icon as he was he always had time for me, to take my calls, give me comedy advice, when he was in New York he came in and did my scratch ass radio show. I cant tell you how many "big time" comics turned me down but with George it was like, "Of course I love any show about comedy" and before he left he asked me how to podcast it to hear other comics and asked for me to send him some Jackie Mason CDs. That was the essence of George Carlin. Even at 71 years old and after years of doing comedy he just wanted to hear more comedy and was still "growing as an artist".
I was privileged to get to know Mr. Carlin he taught me so much about being an artist in comedy. I remember last year before checking into rehab he would call me depressed on the phone and I would be thinking why the hell is Carlin calling me? I'm nobody in this! I realized that he was lonely and that the only thing could do to cheer himself up was to talk about stand up.
He was the most generous and humble genius the comedy world has ever seen. I spoke with him last about two weeks ago we where setting up a time that he would come back on the show and he said lets do a call in next week I'm sorry that I won't be in New York for a few months to come back in. I'm like are you kidding?! How can he be apologizing to me? The idea that he was willing to call back in or come in to me at all, was the biggest honor in the world to me.
He told me once that I was a “funny fuck.” If I never achieve anything else in my comedy career, just the fact that I won over a little bit of his respect will make it all have been worth it to me.
I know that from my many talks with George, I will at least be able to live and pass on the comedy wisdom he instilled in me. As I write this I am crying because I have lost a dear friend and the world has lost the Greatest Comedic Mind of all time.
I'm not gonna write rest in peace because George didn't believe in any of that stuff, so I'll just say there will never be another one like him and I am blessed and honored to have been his friend.
Inspired by Patrick’s recent posting about the lack of scrotums on bookers
by Stephanie Sottile
I have always been a fan of comedy. I remember I was ten years old when the first comic I ever watched was Janeane Garofalo. I related to her sarcasm the most and at such a young age, I never saw a female portrayed like that and it was refreshing. She wasn’t blonde or classically pretty or clucking on about boys and dating.
Since then, it’s been an intense hobby for me. Comedy Central, (at the time) showed hours upon hours of stand up every day of the week. It was absolute heaven to me. I watched everything! I remember first seeing all the comics we love today when they had their TV debuts: Lewis Black on Comedy Central Presents, Robert Kelly and Jim Norton on Premium Blend. Not to mention a slew of others that I still love to this day.
No one else knew more about comedy than me as a kid. I remember liking Dane Cook when he was good (and not shoving two of his fingers in every snapshot taken of him) and no one knew who the fuck he was. Back then no one knew who he was. Ugh… it was all downhill when I get to college and that stupid fucking super finger followed me into my nightmares; brainless fans.
Since I was a teen, I have known better: Carlos Mencia isn’t edgy, nor do I think Dane Cook is a growing legend. No, I don’t think Jeff Dunham’s puppet act is one of a kind nor do I think Pablo Francisco should have a career! I’ve known that these are the thoughts and beliefs of those who do not know any better. They follow blindly and eat up what’s given to them. In a way, I can’t blame them.
Fast forward to now. I’m 22 in two weeks and have been exposed to the real side of the comedy business for about a year. I’ve seen the “fancy” shows with the big names, the shitty open mics and everything in between. All of it is fucked. There’s just no better word for it. I don’t want this to become a forum for bashing New York City comics (quite honestly, I don’t need the trouble), but without using any names, let me just discuss how the quality has gone way down!
I know this has been touched on by other websites (fuck, how could it not? It’s the huge fucking unfunny elephant in the room), but seeing it firsthand has made me sick. Going to the former Laugh Factory and seeing some jackass (on more than several occasions!) do more time than he should be allowed; all about drinking and getting drunk. Twenty minutes on the stage at the famous Laugh Factory and all you have to say about life is getting drunk and not remembering anything? What the fuck are you contributing to the world? The next night I go and see some woman pontificate over nothing! Yeah, great, you use your breasts to attract men. Holy God! Someone call Montreal! Someone call HBO! We got an aspiring legend on our hands!
I disagree with Patrick on one thing…the quality of comedy overall has gone done due to the comics themselves. At least that’s how I see it. No one is writing anymore and nowadays, people in general I think are just dumber and can’t form a real opinion of what good comedy is. Which just means anything will make them laugh. The comics who win me over write from their heart. They discuss what’s real to them and thus, we can relate to it because it’s something real to us. It hits a nerve with us. Goddammit, that’s the point of comedy! Laughing over a subject brings people closer together. But, that’s not the case today. You can do a slightly accurate impression of Al Pacino? Boom! You’re featuring. You angrily discuss how women talk too much? Boom! You’re at Gotham.
With the quality going down coupled with the over-saturation of the market, people are getting a less-than-high quality product. Just like anything else that absorbs that lethal combination. You think McDonald’s were as unhealthy today as they were when they first opened up? No way. Back then customers got a real burger. But, with competition, laziness, and the thrill and desire to scam more money out of people while spending the least amount, the quality of food went down. And just like McDonalds, New York City comics that are featuring in the city today makes me want to vomit.
One of the most frustrating things in Standup Comedy is having to chase spots in NYC. This power trip can drive you crazy as a comedian. Some clubs have a straight approach you know where you stand and they also have a set structure of sending in avails.
The Comedy Cellar, Broadway Comedy Club, Comic Strip Live have set days you either email on a certain day or call in on a Sunday and get your avails for the week. With other clubs you’re not even sure if they want you to call or email them. It becomes this game of “please like me” and then we come off as annoying and stalkerish because people can't be honest or offer a structure that you can work into your weekly routine as a comic.
The sad part is those are the real comedy clubs I’m talking about, the other room around New York, the non-club rooms, those can be even worse. Colin Kane’s shows are run well and you know where you stand far as spots go. Then you have the young comic, who’s barley been doing standup, running a room and power tripping with the bad comedy shows they put together.
I was a booker for a long time. I ran the Boston Comedy Club (Now the Comedy Village) for 2 years, I had set avails and also made sure I was the low man on the totem pole. I always tried to book people I wanted to watch and learn from, and I didn't swap spots for spots but I put up comedians like Nick DiPaolo, Jim Norton, Dave Attell, Marc Maron and Patrice O’Neal. Getting booked on the weekend required a pretty solid resume. I also booked people that just knew how to bring it. Some of these guys had no credits but they got the laughs and were original. Mike Vecchione, Wil Sylvince and myself come to mind, haha.
I now consider myself a international headliner with credits and I still have to play this mind game with people in order to get spots. I just wish it would be about what you do on stage and the respect you have in the business. Unfortunately, it’s just not that way at all.
I remember when I passed at the Comic Strip, I was getting weekends before I had credits but I was doing well on stage and that seemed to matter. I guess unless you’re Dave Chappelle you have to play this “please like me I'm good game.” The Clubs are starting to book people that aren't bringing it and it makes a lot of professional comics want to hang ourselves in a comedy condo. When I was a booker I was honest.
I remember saying things to comics like: “I'm not a fan.” “Don't think you’re ready.” And my favorite, “You’re hacky.” Sometimes a fight would break out or heated debate. One time I felt Kurt Metzger wasn't ready for my weekends at the time and he threatened to beat the half Indian out me. That's one guy you don't want angry at you. I can say now that he's ready, but I was honest and I just feel as a booker you have that responsibility to the comedy community, to have an organized way of accepting avails and if you don't want to book us just fucking say so and we'll go somewhere else!
The Day The Comedy Died
Dustin Chafin rants about his experience while trying out for Last Comic Standing 4
By Dustin Chafin
Why I auditioned this year, I don't know. Desperation I guess. I just need some national face time so I can put more asses in the seats. I hate the show, the whole concept bastardizes comedy. Put a bunch of comics in a house - fuck that whole vibe. I felt like such a sell out for doing the audition.
Thursday night I'm working at Carolines, I opened for Gilbert Gottfried. It was a great show as I'm passed at the club. I feel like a real comic. Gilbert asked me to open for him on the road...I'm on top of my game...Feeling great. I met some line producers from the show, and they loved me. Then I met Anthony Clark, the soon to be host of the show. He liked me a little too much, if you know what I mean. He asked me for my number, but I think his idea of opening was a little different than mine. So I party with everyone, but In my head I'm like "this is a cake walk."
The next day I have a 2pm audition, which is stupid. Comedy at 2pm, with no audience? Yeah I can't wait. So I get there hang with a few comics I respect. Then It's my turn, as I run up on stage. I start to go into my act, but I'm not feeling it. I'm barely 40 seconds in, and these cocksuckers (Bob Read & Ross Mark) start talking to each other while I'm doing my act. I stop and ask what's up and they quickly reply with an "Ok thanks." I start to leave then this little thing called pride hits my tongue.
I ask the little one "Hey, have you ever done standup comedy?" He replies with a "No," and I tell him "Yeah I didn't think so."
I start to leave, then the fat one Ross, freaks out. "What does that mean? Do you know my comedy pedigree." I tell him "Yeah, you took the edge out of Jay Leno, and you brought us Dat Phan. Thanks!"
I left like a fucking rock star. The comics clapped, and I knew it wasn't the smartest move, but I had a Kinison-Hicks moment that I can live with. - three jokes, and the truth.
Rock out with your Cock out.