You're not Hicks - By Julian E. Clayton

Regardless of whether or not you're a comic or just a huge fan of comedy, you've heard the name Bill Hicks. But did you know he still tours? In the past few years I've seen him on stage at the Stardome in Birmingham, AL, in the open mic room at HA in Manhattan, pacing the stage on the patio at a shithole bar in Knoxville, TN, and numerous other locations where I've stood in the back of the room and said to myself, "Fuck, he's here again."

Do you know what it's like to follow Bill Hicks on stage? Well I can speak from experience and these days, it's a relief. Bill sucks now. He's channeling his thoughts thru hacks all over the country and while they may be getting the message, they have no idea how to deliver it. They see the anger, the frustration, and occasionally a new idea. They dress like Hicks, they use his mic techniques, they even have the swagger that he had when he paced the stage. They are topical, political, edgy, rude, and at that moment in time, they are Bill Hicks. They have to be because, no one is laughing. Easy fucker, I'm making a point here. Keep reading.

Bill, just like most legends in comedy, is famous for bombing. He is also famous for rants that forced silence on a room, and unloading on a deserving drunk twat in the third row. What these Hicks clones can't seem to pick up is throughout his entire career in comedy he was also famous for being funny. He had tons of edgy material that looked at a subject from a completely new direction. In his later days almost every bit had a controversial point, but it also had a punchline. The bottom line, and Bill knew this, is comedy is a business. The business has one goal, keep asses in seats... all of them. Getting the club filled, and then walking 10 tables, doesn't help business. And when you don't help business, the business doesn' t help you. 

When you say something like that people always have the same responses. What about Stanhope? Patrice? Dipalo? Rouse? They walk people all the time and we love them for it. Sure we love them, but on the road one of two things happen. Either they only do that shit in the rooms they know they can get away with it, or they work a room once and never go back. Does it mean the bookers don't think they are funny? Most of the time no, but it does mean the bookers know they aren't profitable. 

At this point if you're still reading you either think I'm right, you wish I'd molested a 4 year old instead of writing this, or your the guy from the green room in "insert trendy club name here" that told me "fuck all of them, this is my art and only I know how to interpret it." If you're copying Hicks on stage you're not an artist, you're a douchebag. If you do it full time you're probably homeless and well on your way to making it big on the glory hole circuit. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get to the club so I be there in time to follow Hedberg.