I was up around 4pm Monday afternoon feeling good that I just slept away 12 hours of my lazy life. Around 5 o'clock the phone rang and one of the featured comedians was asking for me. It was a shock, as this person has never called me before. We have spoken in person several times, but that's about it. I won't reveal his name here because I don't want to cause anymore headaches for him. For the rest of the article he will be referred to as "The Informer."

The Informer umm informed me that one of the performers on the hacks page is trying to get in touch with me. His name is Charlie Viracola, a west coast hack who's gimmick is "Planet Charlie", a fictional place full of wacky rules that he is in charge of. Viracola also is a writer for the Godfather of all that is wrong in comedy, Carrot Top.

The Informer told me that Charlie is pissed over what was written about him on the Hacks page. The talented Brodie James wrote up a hilarious rant about Viracola in which he pointed out why he sucks and how he should be stopped. Viracola apparently took offense to the "threats" Brodie submitted. Viracola then went on to tell the Informer that he has a brother in the FBI who is going to investigate what was posted on the site.

I admit, personal threats on a web site could be crossing the line. What Viracola fails to realize is that the site is about CRINGE comedy. 99% of the site's visitors embrace the edgy, and controversial cringe style. Is there anything funnier than Jim Norton wishing cancer upon somebody, or Rich Vos threatening a gal by hitting her with a shovel? I think not.

I stand behind everything that you see on the site. I agreed with what Brodie submitted, and it was posted shortly after. Unfortunately I'm the one that has to deal with the bullshit that is a result of it, but being a Webmaster & figurehead, I know the ropes. This will change from now on, as I will be more contemplative with whatever outside content is given to me. I promise you all CH will not lose it's edge.

Let's analyze the "threats" that Brodie sent to me, and I ended up posting:

"Charlie Viracola is a gimmick comic.

I know this because, whether I've seen his set on television, or heard it on the radio, I've noticed this pathetic little mongrel spouting the same jokes under the same guise again and again. His gimmick is one of absurdity. The very unoriginal vehicle referred to as "Planet Charlie." All of his jokes revolve around laws that dictate the life on this planet, and with each the crowd ROARS with laughter.

'Cept me, starring at this little half-breed wondering why the fuck I haven't slit his throat yet."

Out of context I can understand Viracola's concern over that last sentence. I know Brodie, and there is no reason at all for Viracola to be concerned. If Brodie were to say "I can't wait to stand outside the Improv and slit his throat" I could understand Viracola's concern. I think we've all wished ill-will towards someone in a fit of rage. If you haven't muttered, "I'm going to kill you!" to someone, then you are a tree hugging pussy and you should have your throat slit! (I hope tree-hugging pussies don't have their brothers investigate me after that statement).

Brodie also goes on to say:

"On a positive note: Planet Charlie has inspired me to create the much cooler and hipper Planet Brodie - the planet that will invade Planet Charlie, kill all of its inhabitants, rape its women, seize its land, and then set it ablaze as we, the miscreants of Planet Brodie, sit back and jerk it to the sultry flames as they dance off that 'tarded heap Viracola holds so dear."

I guess Viracola also feels threatened that a fantasy world he created would be raped & pillaged by another fantasy world created by Brodie. Hey, that I can understand. If Planet Charlie threatened Planet Patrick, I would align my troops and wage war on an intergalactic level. There might be many casualties, but I would feel safe knowing my gimmick was still intact.

If you can't sense my sarcasm in that last paragraph, I will slit your throat!

"Any comic endorsed by Tom Hanks deserves nothing less than death."

I wholeheartedly agree. Tom Hanks is a great actor, but odds are his taste in comedy caters to the hacks in the world. If you don't believe me, rent "Punchline."

The Informer also told me that Charlie is complaining about hundreds of hate mails that I suppose Cringe Humor is responsible for. I told Dat Phan to his flat face that I don't encourage anyone from the site to send hate mail. I've never posted that idea anywhere on the page or even on the forum.

To further prove my point, Viracola only received 74 total votes in the "Hack Of The Year" poll for the 2003 Cringe Humor awards. You can divide that 74 by 5, as each visitor is allowed to vite in each category five times. In essence, maybe 15 different people could have voted for him.

In Viracola's eyes, every negative email MUST be due to CH. His gross exaggeration disgusts me. If you can't handle negative criticism, don't put yourself on the internet. Shut down planetcharlie.com, disable your email address, and live in your safe little hack world alongside Carrot Top & Dat Phan.

Like the professional that I am, I deleted the threats and kept Viracola listed on the hacks page. The Informer gave me a heads up about what could happen, so I decided to save myself a potential headache. For that I am grateful.

The thing about this whole ordeal that aggravates me the most is how Viracola went about contacting me. He called The Informer, who had to call another comedian to get my house number. The Informer was genuinely annoyed that he had to be bothered with this inane shit, just because he is featured on the site. The other comedian who gave The Informer my number, later on told me how irritated The Informer was, as he referred to myself as "That fucking kid."

This is what I don't need. I don't need comedians to be bothered by MY site just because I am a fan of theirs and I promote them. I go out of my way not to annoy any of them. I never ask to get into shows, I do interviews at their convenience, and I never intrude into their personal lives.

My email address is on the bottom of every single page. You can even visit the contact us page for the information. If that doesn't catch your attention, you can read the disclaimer, which boldly states:

"Cringe Humor.net is in no way affiliated with any of the Cringe Humor comedians or any other individuals or properties. If you are a comedian and want your content removed, contact us."

How much more simple does that have to be? I am FUCKING livid that Viracola had to go through 2 people over something he could have simply emailed me about. I am tired of the featured comedians being responsible for whatever I decide to put on the site. I have dealt with this shit in the past, going through agents & managers over something that could easily have been taken care of with a quick email.

It's going to get to a point where the featured comedians will no longer want to be bothered with Cringe Humor due to all the bullshit behind the scenes. The site has evolved from a fan site for Opie & Anthony regulars to a resource for the NYC area comedians & promoters. Do you think any of them really want to sit there & listen to bullshit due to what I put on the site?

Listen up cocksuckers. If you object to something posted about you on the site, all you have to do is EMAIL ME. I will handle it in a professional & comprehensive manner. I know I'm a fat mastodon, but I am known for being very rational and accommodating on a personal level.

Let us review what we have learned in this long winded rant. We will use Viracola's "Planet Charlie" gimmick, but instead we will call it "Planet Pussy."

• On Planet Pussy you threaten to have your brother in the FBI investigate a website that features strong opinions
• On Planet Pussy, instead of dealing with the situation head-on, you contact your cronies in the business and have them deal with your issues
• On Planet Pussy you shift the blame to Cringe Humor due to all of the hate mails you receive

I hope you all enjoyed the first ever CH Editorial. I will bust out this column whenever a behind the scenes drama like this unfolds again.

Thanks for your time,