Being the stand-up fanboy that I am, I have had the privilege of standing in many a line waiting for doors to open and shows to start. Now with my experiences of standing in these lines, I have been privy to many conversations taking place around me. Here I reflect on 3 occurrences where I listened in on other people talking about awful comics and how much they love them. I wish I could have just puked on all these people for being morons. Anyway, here they go.

Story #1: My sister and I went to see Dave Chappelle one night, and we struck up a conversation with a girl and her boyfriend. We find out that the girl was originally from New Jersey, so we ask her if she's heard of Norton, Vos, O&A, etc. She has no idea who any of them are, but gets excited when we mention that Vos was on LCS. She brightens up and starts telling my sis how Vos is a creep and that all he does is pick on Dat Phan. She says that Vos is an idiot and that Dat is "soooo funny". She admits to never seeing Vos' routine on LCS, but goes on to state how much she enjoys Dat's comedy and his impression of asians. She says she can't get enough of it. All the while I'm hearing her, going nuts. She likes Dat's act? How stupid could she be? He's a level 5 hack, yet she can't get enough of his impressions? She hates Vos and doesn't think he's funny because he's a bully. She's never seen his act, but judging by his character, she's already made the decision that he stinks. At that point I was praying for lightning to strike her, but the line starts moving and it's funny time.

Story #2: I don't remember who we were in line to see, but again, I heard something I wish I hadn't. There's not much to this story but what I heard made me furious. A few people ahead of us was a pack of yuppy douchebags. I hear this one half-fag start talking about the latest episode of Wanda at Large. So he goes on to describe these awful scenarios from the show where Ms. Sykes displays her sassiness at every turn. He's describing her with an awful impression of a black woman, he himself being a silly white boy. He's laughing like a schoolgirl while describing her, ending every sentence with "Oh my god she's so funny!" UGH! Wanda Sykes is awful. Nothing that happens in that show is funny or even realistic, yet this douche loves every stupid minute of it as much as he loves every inch of c from his faggoty boyfriend.

Story #3: We went to see Norton perform with Florentine & the Legend a few months ago and after the show Norton was out in the lobby selling his cd. I was hanging out by him and I caught a little conversation between him and some wrinkly, middle-aged, biker chick has-been. So this dummy walks up to Norton, picks up his cd, looks at it, then looks at him and says, "So what do you do?" I was so in awe at the question that I couldn't say anything. How could this retard who just came out of seeing Norton perform, ask such a moronic question. Then he proceeds to answer her dumb question, to which she goes on with her barrage of dumb questions: "How much is the cd?" "Why is it $15?" "Are you a biker? That jacket makes you look like you ride." "Is this cd funny?" She then promised him that if the cd was not up to her standards, the next time he came into town, she would burden him with her complaints. She eventually stops her line of questioning and states that she really loves the Jerky Boys, to which Jim responds, "Uh...yeah, they were good." She wishes they would come out with a new album, puts the cd down, and walks away as Jim breathes a sigh of relief to be done with her.

These are only 3 short stories that I have had the misfortune of experiencing from the side. It's people like this that make me hate. Now I'm not saying that my taste in comics is all that counts, because I'm a nobody and my opinion counts for nothing. But when it comes to people who are in love with comics that other comics make fun of because of how awful they are, then there's a problem. If you can't get the respect of your peers, then no one else's opinion should matter. And in my own stupid opinion, that's why people suck.

Vyse